The Royal Hangover Remedy
by Shipperwolf
Summary: She's small, tiny even, and doesn't do this kind of thing often. She should have known something like this would happen. If she could remember what happened at all. Jane, Loki, Tony. Alcohol. Crackfic?
1. Chapter 1

**Oh, my dear friends: I was kidnapped recently, by another fandom *_gasp!_*.**

**I'm surprised Loki has not destroyed me. I'm gonna be a supernerd and say it's the Mjolnir necklace around my neck. ;)**

**Seriously though, I've missed you gais and wanted to give you something. Plus, _Selenite_ had a birthday just recently! This is something of a belated present to her. :)**

**It's another small silly thing, a twoshot, and could very possibly be considered _Crack_. Hope you all get a good laugh, and please be forewarned of some heavy post-Avengers Tony Stark in this first chapter!**

**All my love, and remember: I own nothing, and reviews make me giggle cutely. ^.^**

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><p>It was at that point now…<p>

That time of night when every single light in the building had either been dimmed or turned off completely, when every other employee had bid their 'goodnight's and the last few had even tried to talk her into walking with them to the elevators, just to get her to leave.

That time of night when the computer screen seemed way too bright and the words on it were mixing into a black inky digital slurry.

That time of night when it wasn't even technically 'night' anymore.

Jane swayed forward a moment before jerking back upward, eyes suddenly widening as a strange feeling of alertness overwhelmed her.

It was at that point, where she was _so_ tired, _so_ sleepy, that she actually _wasn't_. It was that instant where her exhaustion had journeyed so far into her being that it had broken through to the other side into a new rush of energy, fueled by the four empty cups of coffee sitting around the keyboard and her own freakish determination.

She had a spiffy new job, and she'd be given a spiffy new assignment to impress her spiffy new boss with, and by God, she _would not stop_ until she finished it.

She contemplated leaving her office for just a moment for more coffee. But riding the wave of her 'sleep-breakthrough' high, her fingers decided to continue typing instead. The words on the screen cleared up just a bit, and she smiled. She'd stayed up forty-eight hours straight one time in college, completing a presentation on (what else?) the Einstein-Rosen Bridge. She could handle _this._

Silence surrounded her, aside from the recurrent hum of her computer and the 'tick-tock'ing of the old-fashioned clock on her office wall. It was just past two o'clock in the morning, and she was on a roll.

She was also the only person left in Stark Industries tower.

Or at least, she _thought_ she was.

A crackle from nearby distracted her, and her eyes darted away from the screen momentarily, but she did not turn her head. She recognized the sound, and knew what it meant.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Stark?" She spoke to the emptiness of the room, knowing well that Mr. Spiffy himself- Tony Stark, Iron Man, her new employer- was listening through the integrated, 'Jarvis'-controlled microphone system.

A snicker sounded from the speaker in the wall behind her.

"Jarvis says you're still working, Miss Foster..."

Jane sighed when she also recognized the sound of rock music and clinking glasses behind his voice.

"Yes, Mr. Stark, I am. What can I do for you?"

Another snicker.

"Stop asking me that question. I am entirely too intoxicated to answer that in any other manner than vulgar. And I really don't need to screw up both my first real relationship and my friendship with a certain immortal alien by saying something stupid to said teammate's girlfriend."

She smiled a bit, thinking about this famously flirtatious billionaire being truly _involved _with someone for the very first time. If it was any of her business, she would tell him that the way to Pepper Pott's lasting happiness was certainly _not_ to get drunk in his office building at two in the morning.

But then, it was none of her business.

"Thor isn't exactly my boyfriend, Mr. Stark. I mean…not yet, I mean…I don't think…." Jane blinked at her own voice and wondered how she could be thinking of one thing and talking about another.

_Hello, unconscious thoughts. How are you today?_

The sound of glass got louder when the mic crackled to life again.

"Gotcha. I'll tell Thor you need confirmation on your relationship status when he gets back from his visit with 'Daddy'."

Her eyes widened.

"I'd rather you not, please."

A voice in the background could be heard then, and Tony's own chuckled loudly. Jane could tell that the other voice belonged to a man, and for the first time since she had started working for him, Jane wondered about the _other_ friends Tony Stark possibly kept. Aside from the Avengers, who did he hang out with in his spare time?

The chuckle turned into a laugh.

Apparently funny people.

Then again, it could be someone from the team.

Although Jane could not think of anyone that would tolerate Tony's presence long enough to get drunk with him, aside from the possibility of Thor.

The mysterious voice mumbled again and for a split moment in time, she thought she recognized it.

Chill bumps rose on her arms, and she looked at them curiously.

Tony's voice breaking through again pulled her away from her own suspicions.

"You've been working hard, Miss Foster. Take a load off."

"If by 'take a load off' you mean come get drunk with you, no…no thank you."

The mic went silent.

Jane grinned in triumph.

_Jane: one. Perverted scoundrel: zero._

Static crackled again a second later.

"Miss Foster, get down here or you're fired."

She fought the urge to 'head-desk'.

Surely he could not be serious?

"I'm serious."

_This can't end well._

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><p>It shouldn't have surprised her that Tony Stark had a private lounge in the lower levels of the tower.<p>

It shouldn't have, and it didn't.

It also did not surprise her that as she entered the rather fancy-looking double doors, she found that the lounge- complete with bar area, billiards table, arcade games and three big-screen televisions- took up as much space as about five of the large offices upstairs.

"Miss Foster! Glad you found us. Welcome to my man-cave."

Stark himself was settled in a large, nearly overstuffed recliner in front of one of the TVs , a martini glass in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other.

She waved at him briskly and shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Yeah…it's…uh, nice."

The entire area was dimly lit, and she could see that the majority of the lighting was coming from the television screens, all of which were playing what appeared to be metal videos.

Definitely 'man-cave' material….

Stark grinned brightly at her.

"Yes it is. I come down here after a hard-day's work. You know…when Pep gets on my ass and actually makes me _come_ to work. Not normally here so late, though. My guest is to blame." Leaning back a bit in the chair, he downed the martini and raised the glass at her. "You've been an exemplary employee in the few weeks you've been with Stark Enterprises, Miss Foster. I insist you join us for a drink."

Jane looked around the dark area, fingers twitching in her pockets, the goosebumps on her arms threatening to return.

"Um….and who's 'us'?"

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end when warm breath hit it, the bittersweet smell of alcohol meeting her nose.

She dared a glance behind her, and found her earlier suspicions confirmed.

Jane gaped at the raven-haired man behind her.

_Alien, Jane. Alien._

"Loki?"

A cool hand reached forward to pull one of her hands from its hiding spot, and before she could protest, a glass was shoved into it.

Loki Laufeyson smiled at her openly.

"Miss Foster, have a martini."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! **

Here's the second (and final) chappy; and I'm just gonna come right out and tell you: it's silly. Very much so. But you will find some sweetness in there too ^.^

Hope yall enjoy, and as always, I would love to hear your thoughts!

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><p>About half of the liquid in the martini glass went sloshing onto her arm as she rushed away from the man at her back, backing away quickly and coming to stand just beside Tony's chair.<p>

She pinned Loki with wide eyes and a furrowed brow, glanced down at Tony Stark, and pointed her free hand forward accusingly.

"_What the __hell __is he doing here?"_

Loki raised a dark brow at her, a small smile creeping onto his features. He turned away from her calmly, heading back towards the fully stocked bar and hopping over the counter, moving about behind it as if he owned the place.

Tony laughed and filled his empty glass with tequila.

"We're 'truce-ing'".

Jane snapped her head down to look at him.

"You're _what_?"

Movement caught her eye at the bar, and she watched as Loki proceeded to sit on the counter casually, folding one leg over the other and sipping on what appeared to be a bottle of beer.

How many different drinks had they indulged in so far?

He bent his head at her.

"We're in the process of formulating a truce, is what I believe Stark intended to say…."

She felt her head tilt and her mouth fall open just slightly.

"A truce? Seriously?"

Loki smiled at her, green eyes twinkling in the lights around the bar.

"Indeed."

Something bubbled up into her chest, a half-cough, half-laugh that she figured could be termed a 'scoff'.

Yes, that was the word…

She _scoffed_ at Loki.

Looked back down at her boss.

"You're forming a truce…based on getting drunk together?"

Stark shrugged at her, blinked down at his empty martini glass, and apparently decided it wasn't worth bothering with. He brought the bottle of tequila to his lips and swigged it like it was a wine-cooler.

Jane shuddered.

"Seems to working so far. We've come to some pretty important agreements."

Fingering the wet glass in her hand, she glanced over at the still figure situated on the bar and, noting his calm demeanor, picked a smaller chair across from Tony's and slowly sat down, her posture rigid and muscles prepared for flight.

She caught Tony's glossy eyes and smirked at him.

"Oh? Do I dare ask what agreements those would be?"

Noise caught her ears and she looked back at the bar to find Loki tossing the now empty bottle over the side of the counter, reaching instead for a similar bottle of tequila.

She briefly wondered if he was trying to find something strong enough to get an alien drunk. He seemed at least 'buzzed', she figured, based on the loose body language and toothy smile he kept giving her.

"Well, for one, we decided it was truly foolish of me to attempt to conquer Earth."

Jane nearly dropped her drink.

"You…you _did_?"

Loki's long, dark hair, normally so neatly slicked back, fell messily into his face as he nodded vehemently.

"Yes. It makes much more sense to return to Asgaard and destroy it."

Jane blinked a few times and shot a glare to Tony.

The eccentric billionaire grinned sheepishly over his bottle.

"Uh…we're still working on things…"

"Uh-huh." Shaking her head, at both herself and the idiots in her company, Jane stood from the chair and looked from one man to the other, disbelief leaving her confused and hesitant.

She motioned to the would-be overlord of the human race, more of her drink spilling as she forgot it was even still in her hand.

"So you want to destroy Asgaard. Does this mean you still want Thor dead?"

Loki chuckled at her.

"Of course."

"And you're drinking with one of Thor's teammates _because_?"

"He has a great selection of alcohol."

Darkness consumed her vision as she pressed her fingers into her eyes, rubbing at them in exasperation.

_They're kidding. They _have _to be kidding._

Behind her, Tony had obviously decided he had provided her enough explanation, as the rock music that filled the lounge got louder and one of the arcade machines began making ridiculous noises as he started it up.

Jane rolled her eyes and crept closer to the bar, a cautious eye running over the being propped upon it as she neared.

Getting close enough so that she could speak to him over the music, she leaned forward.

"So…is there any way I could possibly talk you _out_ of trying to destroy Asgaard and killing your brother?"

Loki's smile fell slightly, reforming into what appeared to be rather wicked grin.

"That depends, Miss Foster."

_Oh, God._

"On?"

Green eyes darkened and he leaned towards her, raising the bottle in his hand and shaking it.

"On how drunk you can get me."

Jane blinked and swallowed the newly-formed lump in her throat.

What was left of her drink went burning down after it, and she turned to look at Tony, who was clearly distracted by the old "Pac-Man" machine he was playing.

"Mr. Stark….I need another drink."

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><p>Bright lights burned red behind her eyelids, and the instant she became lucid enough to recognize them was also the instant her head broke into a splitting ache, throbbing in her temples, almost echoing through her skull like a heartbeat.<p>

Jane groaned miserably, which did nothing to soothe the pain.

Her own voice seemed far too loud.

She moved a bit, keeping her eyes squeezed shut against the light, and immediately found her muscles heavy and uncooperative, her body feeling as if it was filled with lead.

Her eyes hurt as she attempted to crack them open. Her ears picked up on a strange sound nearby and it only exacerbated her headache. Her nose awoke with the smell of alcohol, her tongue was thick and her mouth filled with the taste of liquor and….gummy bears?

The only one of her senses still functioning properly, it seemed, was touch.

Her right hand fingered soft, silky cloth, and she knew (somehow) that it belonged to a bed sheet.

Thrusting her left arm out wildly, Jane froze when it landed on something hard. And soft. And _breathing_.

Eyes flew open and her blurry vision fought to clear as she turned her head to the side in terror.

Black hair askew across his face, Loki himself lay sprawled on the bed next to her, his telltale leather-and-metal outfit moving up and down beneath her hand as he snored lightly.

_Oh. My. GOD._

"No….no…._NO_..."

Her voice cracked as she mumbled, her head shaking and dizziness greeting her as punishment.

The room spun.

She decided it would be a terrible idea to try to sit up.

Moving her head again, slowly this time, Jane peered around the room and came to another horrifying conclusion:

She was not in her apartment.

She was not in SHIELD headquarters.

In fact, from the hot-red Egyptian cotton sheets on the bed, the high-tech entertainment system across the room, and the various pictures of muscle-cars and framed newspaper articles featuring Iron Man himself, she would guess that the bed she currently found herself in was that of Tony Stark's.

Jane drew in a shuddering breath, her mind a fog of confusion and shame, her head wracked with both physical and emotional pain.

_Stark's bed. With Loki Laufeyson. How. HOW?_

She didn't understand. She couldn't _remember_….

And she was trying incredibly hard not to become desperate.

How would she explain this to Thor?

How would she explain it to _Pepper_, for that matter?

And where the _hell_ was Tony Stark?

"Oh, God….what the hell have I done?"

A jerk next to her had her eyes widening and her heart hammering in her chest.

Jane dared a glance to the left.

Loki lay still, his body obviously coiled in alarm, his head cocked to the side and his eyes wide open, staring at her. For a long, terrible, agonizing moment, they simply laid there, staring at each other.

Jane suddenly found her voice missing. The sound of her heart beating matched the throbbing in her head and she wanted to scream in both pain and embarrassment.

Not to mention complete and total _fear_.

After all, she was currently suffering the absolute _worst_ hangover of her life, with the added bonus of being in one man's bed with _another_ man (neither of which she had any type of personal relationship with)…

And this man just so happened to not be a man at all, but an alien.

And this _particular_ alien just so happened to be the mentally unstable adopted brother of her….her….boyfriend…type-thing.

And this mentally unstable alien had, not too long ago, tried to conquer the world. And, if she could recall accurately, still had every intention of murdering his brother.

_Her_ boyfriend.

Type-thing.

_And good GOD…Loki's damnable smirk was literally the _last thing_ she could remember from last night…_

About ten questions flew through her head during that horrible moment of silence, coming to the forefront and nearly spilling from her mouth before being shoved away by the next.

What happened to them?

How did she get in Tony Stark's house?

How did she get in his _bed_?

Where _was he_?

And why the heck was _Loki-freaking-Laufeyson_ lying next to her?

"Did we have sex?"

Jane gaped in horror the moment the question left her lips.

Of _all_ the questions…._that_ was the one she greeted this maniacal 'supervillain' with?

Loki, for his part, did not react in the violent manner she so justifiably expected from him. Instead, he rolled to the side slightly, facing her, and proceeded to prop himself up on one elbow. A dark brow rose at her question, and it was obvious that he was fighting a smile.

"I beg your pardon, Miss Foster?"

Jane felt heat flush her face. And then her entire body.

And her headache got _worse_ (and was that even possible?)…

"You. And me. Did we…I mean…"

"I heard you the first time."

_Then why the hell did you….?_

"Well, we _are_ in a bed together, Loki."

_When did she start calling him by his first name again?_

"Yes, I am aware of that…."

Jane blinked through her pain (the headache was in her _eyes _now, for the love of…).

Opened her mouth to throw a smart remark back at him….

"And no, I am quite certain we did not have sex last night, Miss Foster."

"Oh. Um…good."

"Quite."

"Yeah."

Loki shifted again, rolling farther onto his side and seemingly drawing closer to her. Then again, the entire room was warping around her as her head throbbed and disoriented her. For all she knew, Loki could just be a figment of her imagination…

Her eyes closed again as the sun shot directly through the windows.

"Ugh…"

She made no effort to elaborate as nausea suddenly threatened her.

As she squeezed her eyelids tight to concentrate on fighting the effects of her hangover, Loki's voice reverberated through her skull:

"Jarvis?"

Jane cracked open one eye, curiosity overpowering the pain.

"…_**..Yes, Prince Laufeyson?"**_

"Do something about the sun, will you?"

"_**Ah….of course, Prince…."**_

Jane opened her eyes fully as the room suddenly darkened; Tony's integrated AI system drawing a black-out cover over the large windows in the room.

The headache did not fade away, but the throbbing eased just enough for her to move her head and find Loki in the now deep shadows of the room.

"Um…thank you?"

She was met with silence, and if not for his dark form still visible, and the weight of his body on the bed shifting just a tiny bit closer (_again_), she would have thought him gone from the room completely.

She could not even hear him breathing anymore.

The nausea dissipated enough for her to turn to the side to face him.

"Loki…ah…what exactly _did_ we do last night?"

This time, she heard a breath. An exhale.

_Had he been holding it?_

And then a chuckle.

_Damn, that can't be good._

"Truly, the night is something of a blur for me as well, Miss Foster. But your drinks…they are nothing compared to those in Asgaard. I recall quite enough to assure you that nothing terribly inappropriate occurred."

Her heartbeat began to pick up speed again.

"Elaborate, please."

Another quiet laugh, and Jane wanted to crawl under the bed and _die_.

"Hm…well, I do remember Stark and I 'prank-calling' Agent Coulson about my threatening to destroy the universe…"

"I thought it was just Asgaard you wanted to destroy."

"I changed my mind."

"Oh."

_No, don't get up and run screaming for help, Jane. Just lay there and listen to him talk about destroying the universe…._

"Uh, what else?"

"I believe Stark also called his lover and proposed marriage to her in a drunken stupor."

"I'm sure _that_ went well."

"I would not know. He left shortly after for her home. The rest of the night we spent without him, I believe. You decided to make an attempt at beating Stark's record on that 'Pac Man' game. Something about it being the childhood obsession of every human in America…"

Jane felt a strange grin tear her lips upward despite her attempts to prevent it.

"Uh…did I?"

"Did you what?"

"Beat his record."

"I can't remember."

_Damn. Note to self: Find out if you beat Tony's record later._

"But I do remember going to buy 'gummy bears'."

"_Excuse me_?"

"Don't ask me to explain. I do not know. You decided you wanted this strange candy and demanded I transport us to the nearest convenience store to purchase it."

Another rush of heat flooded her face and Jane remembered with a start that gummy bears had been her favorite candy as a kid. Apparently, her night of drunken debauchery was mostly comprised of things she enjoyed as a child.

_It could not get worse. It just CAN'T._

"Anything else? Like, how we got _here_?" The room, dark and cool and strangely comforting, lulled her into a sense of security that she just _knew_ had to be a bad idea. And when Loki drew closer, coming to lean foward a bit and bump his elbow against her arm, she felt this would be that moment…

Where he would tell her they had done something _terrible_.

"I vaguely recall you eating too many of the candies and feeling sick. I cannot say for certain why I brought you here rather than to your own home; perhaps it was closer? But I remember bringing you to this bed. You started crying rather melodramatically about how Heimdall was going to tell my brother about your foolish antics and how he would never forgive you…."

Jane licked her dry lips and felt another rush of shame.

"Ah…um, anything else?"

"No. That is all I remember. I'm going to assume that at some point, I joined you in the bed and fell asleep."

"You _assume_? How do you know we didn't…?"

"We're both fully clothed."

"We could have re-dressed…"

"We're both still wearing our _shoes_, Miss Foster."

Jane looked down at where her feet were sticking out from under the tangled blankets. Her black, shiny work-shoes greeted her.

"Okay. Good. That is _very_ good."

She smiled a bit then, relief hitting her like an avalanche and a sudden calm slowing the chaos that was her pulse.

She had _not _had drunken sex with Loki.

But she _had_ spent the night doing stupid things with him. And sleeping next to him in Tony Stark's bed…

And, it seemed, he had not once tried to hurt her. Or even take advantage of her.

Jane looked at him in the darkness.

"Did I at least successfully persuade you against killing Thor?"

"No."

"Oh. _Great._ Um….what about destroying Asgaa-er, the universe?"

"No, not quite…."

Jane felt another sting of embarrassment meet a new emotion: anger. Ignoring the spinning room and her still bothersome headache, she pushed herself up to her elbows and glared over at him, hoping he could see her face clearly in the dark.

Her lips practically peeled back as her teeth grit at him.

"You—"Cool fingers landed on her mouth, and Jane nearly fell back into the pillows as vertigo threatened her in full force.

Loki moved suddenly, the black shadow of his body coming to loom over her and for a moment Jane felt her chest tighten in both fear and….

_Something else…_

And then warmth landed on her right temple, soft and brief and barely there.

Jane took a very long second to realize that Loki had kissed her.

"But I _am _reconsidering…"

The weight left the bed just as his words registered in her mind, and she knew that he was gone, a strange static permeating the air from his magic. She exhaled then, unaware that she had even been holding her breath.

Sitting up against the pillows, Jane raised shaky fingers to her temple.

And realized that her headache had stopped altogether.

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><p><strong>Loki-Kisses: Better than aspirin. :)<strong>


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